The hangover
by stella123
Summary: For the weekend before her wedding Quinn and the glee club drive to Las Vegas for a bachelorette party the'll never forget. But, when they wake up in the morning they can't remeber a thing, someone is married, someone have a tattoo, someone is missing a tooth, someone is bald... what the hell happened last night? Quick. Finchel. Brittana. Klaine. Samcedes.
1. Chapter 1

Hi! This is my first glee fanfic and english is not my first language so I'm really sorry for my language skills... so if anybody want to edit this fanfiction go ahead!

Basically the idea came from the three movies The Hangover, let me know what do you think!

**_Prologue_**

**Quinn**

I am jolted awake by the sunlight flooding the room. What time is it? What day is it? Where am I? What happened last night?

Disoriented I attempt to open my eyes, but the light blinds me. with a moan I wipe away the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand. My head is throbbing, my throat is dry, my mouth is filled with an horrible taste and my stomach does somersaults. What the hell happened last night? So much for a bachelorette party without problems ...

Calmly I try again to open my eyes, making no sudden movements and the hotel suite where we were staying come into focus. I can't help the shocked gasp that catches in my throat.. The room is a completely disaster, clothes everywhere, bottles of all kinds of alcohol and glasses of all shapes, from red plastic to crystal goblets, there is vomit on the wall and on the Persian carpet of who knows how many dollars, on the television is written FUCK with a shocking pink spray and the furniture is broken, thrown in the air, or covered with paint.

Shocked I try to get up, but the attempt makes me dizzy and my stomach makes a strange noise, so I so I lie back down. Suddenly I feel an arm reaching across my waist, and breath get stuck in my throat. A too much muscular and tanned arm to be the one of my fiancèe. Then my gaze falls on the small golden ring that bears the ring. _I slept with a stranger! A married to a stranger!_ I swallow in vain, because my throat is too dry to produce saliva and I turn around to see the owner of the arm that is caressing my stomach.

And then I see it. Hazel eyes still half closed , a sleepy smile and a mohawak. No, not a normal mohawak, but THE mohawak.

With a big grin he kiss me castly on the lips when he see that I am awake. I remain still, immobile, too shocked to speak.

"Hey, beautiful," he whispers hoarsely. With his lips he go down to the neck until he reach my weak point and begins to suck gently, his left hand explores my body and then take my left hand and to his mouth. A glint catches my attention and I am breathless.

With his usual smirk he kisses wedding ring and says "Or should I say ... Good morning Mrs. Puckerman?"

I can not help the scream of pure terror that comes out of my mouth.

**Rachel**

I wake up because of my bulging bladder on the floor of the living room of the suite. My head is exploding, and the place is a total mess, I can see it from my eyes half closed with sleep, but do not waste my time looking around, the need to go to the bathroom is really too much. Running I trip in in a tangle of blankets and from the "Que te Follen hijo de puta de mierda" I understand that is Santana. What the hell happened last night?

I quickly threw open the bathroom door my bladder ready to explode. It seems to have someone with a jackhammer in my head, and my throat hurts a lot. The last time I felt like this was junior year, and I swore that I would never have done it again. Evidently the saying never say never was true. Finally my eyes can focus on my surroundings and a strong sigh come out of my lips. So much for a calm and peaceful bachelorette party...

The sink is disconnected from the wall, in the shower the water continues to flow from who knows how long, used condoms are scattered everywhere, and there are pills and bottles of alcohol. But it is something orange perched on an armchair (How did it get in the bathroom?) that catches my attention.

Curious I can not help but approach it with caution, but only when I notice the black stripes I understand what it is. And it's only when I see that it breathes that I can not help but scream.

**Finn**

I was having the most beautiful dream of my life when I a scream I know very well makes me blow up like a rocket ship. Falling out of the tub where I was asleep (No, don't ask me why ...) I end up straight at the foot of Rachel. I remain motionless, my face splattered to the floor, my head hurts so bad and I feel so dizzy that I can see the birds around me that usually see the cartoon characters when the anvil is throw up at their head... yes, definitely I'm still drunk.

I look up with all the strength in my body and I see my wife looking at me shocked and disgusted, and then she begins to scream louder, and I can not fail to notice her face and began to scream too, until a roar interrupts us. Both o f us look behind her at the armchair, and there we are, looking at a huge tiger licking its nose.

Scream even louder is the only thing we can do.

**Santana**

What the hell is the problem with this idiots?

First a stupid asshole wake me up tripping over me, and I'm pretty sure that was Rachel, I remember her non-existent delicacy in New York. When finally, ignoring my bladder and my head that feels like I had repeatedly slammed it against the wall last night, I was able to fall asleep again, here is the cry of our Broadway star filling my ears. Try to ignore that too, I think, but no, Frankeeteen begins to scream too.

I convince myself to ignore them, but the roar that comes next is rather worrying. With every ounce of willpower I have left I look for a glimmer of light to exit from the layers of blankets and bottles of alcohol around me, to see Finn and Rachel terrified moving the library, or at least what remains of the library, in front of the bathroom door. I look at them with a frown, as long as I do not see the left side of Frankeeteen and Rachel's mouth.

I would burst out laughing if I do not need to throw up so much.

While I remit also my guts in the first bag that I have found I hear them fussing.

"Oh God, Finn your face!"

"Okay, Rachel, I have to tell you something but don't panic your ... wait, my face? What's wrong with my face? "

"My what, Finn? MY WHAT? "

I turn to look at them with a raised eyebrow and I can not help but sigh. With all the calm of the world, especially to avoid to throw up again I get up and bring them two pieces of mirrors that were there on the ground (oh yes, a calm and quiet bachelorette party), putting it right in front of to their faces.

I swear, the yell and the facial expression that follow my actions are priceless.

"WHY THE FUCK I HAVE THE TATTOO OF MIKE TYSON ON MY FACE?"

"MY TOOTH! WHERE IS MY TOOTH? WHY AM I MISSING A TOOTH? WHY MY LIP IS SO BLOATED? MY BEAUTIFUL SMILE! WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO ME NOW? EH? »

Ok, maybe I'm a little bad, but I can not suppress a giggle. When they turn their face to me their facial expression tell me that's something I should worry about. They are gone from a sight that makes them seem ready to eat my head to a worried look to a smile and a chuckle. What the fuck is their problem?

Then they both turn the mirrors to me and I see it.

I run my hand on my head convinced that the mirror was rigged and that I was going to feel my flowing black hair, but nothing ... my head was completely bald.

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY HAIR?!"

All three begin to despair again looking for a large and intact mirror when suddenly another cry makes us all turn.

"WHAT DOES IT MEAN THAT WE ARE MARRIED, PUCK!?"

**Puck**

Waking up after an hangover is not exactly the best of the feelings. The throat is dry, your head explodes, the mouth feels like you just licked the ass of a cow, the stomach writhing and having to throw up constantly are things that I know far too well seen my earlier, but God, what I feel now really makes me think that I have to stop drinking.

A few flashes of last night appears in my mind, as if I were watching a movie trailer. A toast, tequila, restaurants, wine, rum, absinthe, vodka, bottoms, tits, kissing with tongue and a chapel. Instinctively I open my eyes and look at my left hand.

So it was not a dream! I hear a noise around me and I turn my head. Seeing Quinn, _my wife_, naked, with blond hair scattered on the pillow is too much for me.

So when I gently reminded her to be Mrs. Puckerman what I expected was certainly not an earsplitting scream.

I tried to calm her down, but she kept screaming at me nonsense, and before I realized what was happening I found a lamp in my face while Quinn went out, slamming the door.

I remain speechless staring at the door and then jump out of bed, take the first pair of boxers that I find on the ground and went after her.

"Come on Quinn, you really don't remember our wedding?"

"I do not remember anything! What the hell happened last night? What do you remember? "

"Well, remember it's a big word... I have something like littles flashbacks ... let's say ... I have this picture of the two of us in a chapel and thought it was a dream, but given the rings ...»

With a loud moan Quinn runs her hands through her blonde hair so hard that I thought she almost pull them out.

"I cannot stand your view now." She says putting more distance beetween us.

"Come on Quinn ..." I try to follow her, but all of sudden she stopped and I finish into her. I look at what it might have she seen to stop so suddendly and see the shocked faces of Rachel, Finn and Santana. And well, at least he and Quinn were not a fucking mess like them.

"What the fuck ... Finn is That a real tattoo? And God help me, Santana where the fuck are your hair? "Said Quinn on the verge of tears.

Rachel burst into tears, while Santana cursing in Spanish against everything and everyone making the room even more messed up.

"Oh God .. Berry what happened to your face? and where's your tooth? 'I exclaimed making her cry even more. Quinn gave me the colder look in the world.

"My God .. I'm getting married tomorrow, and my maid of honor is without hair, while the other without a tooth! Not to mention Finn with that tattoo of Mike Tyson ... »

"You forget that you're already married," I sing-song waving the hand with the wedding ring in front of her face.

"Are you two married?" Said Finn looking at our hands.

"Yeah, amazing huh?"

"OH, HELL TO THE NO!" The sudden scream made us all turn.

A fuming Mercedes was coming out of the room with just a sheet around her, followed by a Sam pretty green in the face with a pillow to cover his lower parts.

"Mercedes please ... this is definitely not as it seems!"

"NOT AS IT SEEMS? AND HOW IT SHOULD BE? ME, YOU, KURT AND BLAINE NAKED IN A BED FULL OF CONDOMS, WHAT DO YOU THINK HAS HAPPENED? "

Ew. just ... ew.

"Oh God, I can not think that without the nedd to throw up ..."

"Actually I think that is for the hangover ..."

"Sam stop being an idiot for once in you pathetic life!"

And then someone starts to cry in the more remote corner of the room. Tina, obviously. And all of us ignore her, obviously.

"God, what happened to you guys?" Sam said looking at us worried.

"We got married!"

"I'm bald, you jerk!"

"I have a tattoo!"

"My tooth!"

Having cried all at once I'm pretty sure that Sam did not understand anything, but hey, it's Sam, he would not understand anything anyway.

And then, two more emerge from the hallway. Kurt and Blaine, just like I would never want to see any of them in my life.

**Kurt**

Waking up with Mercedes screaming next to your ear is not a nice experience, I can say this with sincerity. Still less is it to wake up and find that you're naked in a bed full of condoms with your husband, his straight best friend and your female straight best friend, and former girlfriend of the best friend.

Mercedes run away from the room with Sam at his heels, while I am staring at the ceiling. This is without a doubt the worst hangover of my life.

Someone bursts into tears (Tina, I'm sure) and I decide to go outside.

"Please put some pant on Lady Hummel and Gay Winklevii Twin."

"My God, Kurt, what happened to your skin?" Said Rachel paralyzed.

'Wha-Oh no ... ohnoohnoohnoohnoohnoohno "my porcelain skin ... my precious beautiful skin ... it was orange. Orange self-tanner!

Then I hear a chuckle behind me, and I see my dear husband, trying to hide the grin behind his hand.

"If I were you I'll not laugh so much, Mr. No-more-Eyebrows!" With terrified eyes he puts his hands over his eyes to find no more than skin, skin, skin.

"NO!" Throwing himself on the ground between the shards of glass to look at his reflection and admire his face without eyebrows. Scary, to be honest, but then none of us is so much the better. I look around, and while Blaine (and Tina of course) is crying on the floor I see that someone is missing.

"Where is Brittany?"

Santana's eyes widen. Snix in 3 ... 2 ... 1

And here is the volcano Santana screaming and turning the place from top to bottom. God help the poor maid of the hotel...

"Hey hey, slow down, it's my credit car that is paying for this disaster" says Puck, but it wasn't definitely the right thing to do, if Quinn had not picked up and dropped him to the ground I'm sure Snix would have already snapped open with her teeth his carotid artery.

**Brittany**

Everyone knows that I'm a genius, but when I find myself on the terrace of our hotel suite in a kennel surrounded by kittens and snickers I can not help but wonder what happened last night.

Just for a moment, because after that I threw up, and immediately after that I could not help but cuddle with the kittens.

After hours when I had gone back to sleep surrounded by all that sweetness I am awakened by the hysterical cries of Santana.

Unstable I get up rubbing my eyes and putting in place the eskimo fur hat with cat ears and enter the salon. Everyone breathe a sigh of relief and Santana throws her arms around me hugging me tight.

"What happened to you?"

"Where were you Brittany! You stayed out all night? " asks Santana.

"I was in a nest of kittens, they kept me warm and cuddled me!"

Everyone looks confused, and then look at me like I was crazy. I have not graduated from MIT with honors in just three years to go for crazy, so I go out and port the basket of kittens in the house. Quinn slams her hand on her forehead yelling "Kittens" and then fall to the ground.

**Blaine**

Stopping for a moment from look in the mirror and cry my beautiful triangular eyebrows I look around, seeing the despair on the faces of my dear friends, I feel compelled to take their morals up.

"You'll be fine friends! Do not lose heart! "Everyone looks at me as if I had grown a second head, so taking the first of them is close to me, Finn i yell " Come on, it's not so bad, I think it's totally badass, and I'm pretty sure it's one of those fake, have you tried to clean it with water? "

"Sure, try to wash off" Puck said rolling his eyes.

After shooting a glare in his direction I try to drag Finn in the bathroom, but he and Rachel stop me yelling "NOT THE BATHROOM!"

'Wha-Why? "

"There's a fucking tiger in the bathroom, a real, breathing, fucking tiger " says Finn.

"TIGER!" Quinn screams sinking deeper into the floor.

**Quinn**

A basket Full of kittens and a tiger in the bathroom. My God, F-A-N- _fucking_- T-A-S-T-I-C.

I try to sink even deeper into the floor, hoping that it will swallow me and let me disappear or go back in time and scream a loud FUCK YOU to Santana at the time of the plans for the bachelorette party, or maybe better yet, find that it was all a dream and wake up in the arms of my beloved fiancée and get married on the beaches of Santa Barbara tomorrow as scheduled.

Then Santana interrupted my moment of self-pity saying "So let's recap ... I have no hair, the Other Gay is without eyebrows, Lady Hummel looks like he came out from Geordie Shore, Berry seems Pamela Anderson on crack after a fight and without a tooth, Mercedes and Sam are shocked, Frakeeteen has a tattoo on half of his face, Tina will not stop crying, but actually that's normal, you two are married and there is a basket of kittens and a tiger in the bathroom ... Did I forget something? "

"Yes, you forgot that I have to get married tomorrow! I've got to marry Biff, dammit! »

"You can not marry that idiot! You're already married to me! "Screams Puck.

"I want the annullament!"

"Where is Artie?" asks then Finn with his usual confused look.

My heart skips a beat. _Oh God..._

I hear others around go to look for him, but I can not take a step, if I keep my eyes closed maybe all this will go away.

"So Wheels is gone." Santana points out.

God please help me.

"Come on guys, I think we should sing our emotions! There's a stranger in my bed, there's a pou ... "

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, BLAINE!"

I like Blaine, I really do, but enough is enough. Everyone starts screaming and stir until Finn begins to scream louder

"ENOUGH! Enough...Ok now I tell you what we'll do: we'll go down to breakfast as if nothing had happened, we say that our friend is sleeping in the room and not come in for cleaning, we will search clues in the pockets of last night, we will find Artie, we'll buy a wig for Santana, Puck and Quinn will ask the annulment and she'll marry Biff in Santa Barbara! "

"I love the badass side of you" Rachel said jumping on to Finn.

"Ew, stop it please" Kurt said.

"One question Frankeeteen, how are you going to do all this?"

"... I do not know ..."

Everyone sighed, and then scream together "WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?!"


	2. Chapter 1 the beginning part 1

**_Chapter one- The beginning part 1_**

Hi everyone! I didn't expect to get so much reviews for this story! Thank you to Walking Gleek, Troyella2468, Samcedesfan85, and to the two guests!

This chapter was supposed to be much longer, but I didn't want to bore you or bite off more than you can chew, so that's the first part, let me know what do you think!

**Quinn**

Like every morning I wake up to the sound of running water in the shower. I look at the clock, but I could tell the time without looking at it, 7.15 am, as every single time.

Now wide awake by the sunlight of Santa Barbara I kick off the blankets with a loud moan. I was on vacation with Biff in Santa Barbara, California, in the seaside real estate that his aunt had kindly made available for our wedding this Sunday evening, but my boyfriend could not let go even with a flock of servants to take care of the catering and florist. It was exhausting; sometimes I dreamed of being able to stay in bed until noon to cuddle with him or fight over the blankets, just like I did when I was with ... No, we're not going to end up on the usual speech, Quinn!

I hear the water shut and I know that is now 7.20. I control my phone, today all my glee friends will arrive and I still have not heard anything from them.

_11:30 at your house Q! Begins to cover the stretch marks as best you can because I really need a great suntan! P.S. Remember the margarita, you know I can not stay sober near Mr Perfect! -S_

Rolling the eyes I write a quick response to Santana, just as Biff come out of the shower.

"You're not ready yet Quinn? We have a timetable to follow and Mother will not be happy if we are late and it's already... »

"Half past seven, I know"

Biff looks at me as if I had grown a second head, he is not accustomed to my head bitch cheerios side. He approached the bed and gave me a kiss on the head.

"Hey, is there a problem?"

"No, it's just that ... sometimes ... you never want to stay in bed until noon? Forget the timetable and Mother and stay with me? "

I walk over to him and began to sensually pose open-mouthed kisses on his jaw, but Biff laughs as if I had said the funniest thing in the world.

"Of course not! Do not be stupid Quinn, empires are not built staying in bed until noon! Now put on some clothes, I'll wait for you in the porch! "

And with a soft slap on the cheeck he goes away still laughing to himself, and with a groan I let myself fall on the pillows.

**Puck**

My God, this journey seems endless! I turn once again to see if we began the descent, but around me I see only clouds. I turn again in my seats and rub my sweaty palms on my pants.

"I swear Puck, move one more time and I'll use your balls to do earrings for Quinn so she can wear them to her wedding!" Santana turns to look at me taking off the mask from her pushing my chest with her menacing finger while I roll my eyes.

"That's pretty cool! Can you make a pair for me too? "Brittany of course. We both turn to look at her with a raised eyebrow and I say, "Of course, with those of Sam, he does not use them anyway"

Brittany smiles as if she had just won the lottery, while Sam, on the opposite side of the seats, throw a bottle of water on my head, earning the glare of the hostess.

"Just ... stay still, ok? Moving every two seconds will not make you less nervous or arriving there any sooner. "

"I do not move every two seconds, as always you exaggerate, Santana."

"Actually dude, I think that with your costant moving you may have broken my knees forever." I turn around to look behind me and see Finn with an expression of pure pain, while Rachel beside him shakes her head with a look of pity.

Again I roll my eyes. It has become a so common action in the last few hours that I'm afraid that my eyes will remain locked. "Go back to sleep ok? It's not that I'm nervous or some shit like that, it's just that these seats are uncomfortable. " I feel a deep sigh behind me and I turn once again to Rachel shakes her head and gives me a desperate look over her magazine, while the gentleman sitting next to her grumbles and turns the other side to sleep.

"You have something to say, Berry?" I groawl between my teeth.

She sighs again and then, as if she was talking to a child says "It 's obvious that you're jealous Puck, there's nothing wrong with admitting it."

"I'm not jealous! "

"Oh, please, evenThrouty Mouth and Brittany have noticed your feelings!" Santana says as I turn towards them and both are looking at me nodding as if asking pardon for having understood.

"Listen-she continues the brisk- is obvious and normal for you to have these feelings. I mean, even Frankeeteen would feel the same if he was going to the wedding of Berry and Jesse St. Suck! "

"Do not compare the Quick to the Finchel!" Rachel snaps pulling an elbow to the guy next to her, which gives her a dirty look while she replies with an endless ammount of excuses, before turning again to Santana whispering with violence "Me and Finn are a so much more healthy and safe couple! We're married! "

"Yeah, sure, you say that now that you are married for a year, but in high school you were a pain in the ass, if you want to talk about stable couples then you're talking about Brittany and I, of course!" Santana said sending a sweet look at Brittany and squeezing her hand.

Rachel is about to explode when Brittany interrupts her, her gaze moving from Santana's brown eyes to the window and yells, "Oh God! That cloud is shaped like a unicorn! Please Puck, take a picture with my cell phone! "

"Brittany no! You can not turn on the phone while we are flying! We will all die! "Both begin to fight for the phone, while the guy next to them snorts and clears his throat loudly, Fin tries to divide them and Santana nudge Brittany to give a black eye to Rachel.

"So what's the plan? "Santana whispers to me that after she gave up the boxing match and looks at me as if I were her favorite soap operas.

"Excuse me? " I wonder even if I know exactly what she refers to.

"The plan _Reclaim Quinn and do not let her marry that total idiot_, of course!" She exclaims, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"There is no plan, Santana."

"What? Do you want to let her marry that fucking moron? "

"She's happy."

"Oh, please do not give the _she's happy_ crap to me" she said, imitating a squeaky voice and making a face.

"Hey! I do not talk like that! "

"That's not the point! The point here is that your babymama is about to marry a total jerk and you'll let her do it? What will you say when Beth discovers that his father didn't fight for her mother? "

Oh no, not the Beth card. "Why are you doing this? You hate me and you hate Quinn, what's your gain? "

Putting a hand to her heart with a shocked and wound expression Santana looks at me shaking her head, "This is a low blow Puckerman ..." she then wipes a fake tear away and I roll my eyes t, such a drama queen.

"Listen Puck, Quinn is my homegirl and I won't allow her to make a such a mistake, had I to scream I object in front of the Pope!"

"You're her maid of honor!"

"Yes, I'm still upset about it, in fact she was mine at my wedding, I was expecting the same ..." Rachel stepped out from under the armpit of Brittany.

"Shut it Hobbit, we're doing a serious conversation here!"

"Do not call my girl like that!"

"WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT THE FUCK UP?" Growled the guy sitting next to Rachel making everyone jump in the air.

Rachel and Finn became as red as tomatoes and grew smaller in their seats (as far as possible in the case of Rachel) while Brittany regardless of the look of the angry gentleman resumed possession of her cell phone.

Five minutes of pure silence before Santana returned to attack. "Listen, I know you Puckerman, I know your fake careless face and I know that you are running behind the skirt of Quinn since you saw her for the first time, you've also made her pregnant trying to keep her with you forever, too bad that your plan went wrong, if you had asked for advice since the beginning we will not be on this plane right now, but it's too late to cry over spilled milk, however please note that when you find yourself in Hawaii to consume your marriage is not enough for me a simple _Thank God there was a that beautiful woman named Santana Lopez solve my sad and pathetic existence_, NO, I want to a really really consistent thank you, jewelry will be apprecieted, I'll send you the list, do not put some Scrudge like Mr apple, I mean he know that _I am the best friend of his fiancèe, _you'd expect at least one gift to buy my favor from someone who shits gold bullion every time he goes to the toilet! "

I look at her with a shocked face and with a raised eyebrow ... like ... seriously?

"Now, come closer and listen to Auntie San plan …"

**Santana**

"BACHELORETTE PARTY IN LAS VEGAS?" Quinn screams.

Weew streched out in the private beach of Biff's family (private beach, seriously? And really, I was never given a bracelet of pearls, I'm speechless ...) sipping cocktails I could give to my non-existent daughter for how strong they are .. . I need alcohol, like, serious alcohol.

I drain the margarita in one gulp, and I make a gesture to the waiter who promptly brings me another one (I could get used to this, now I understand why Quinn wants to marry him), while Quinn looks at me shocked with her usual eyebrow arched.

I take my time to answer, and as I watch the others play beach volleyball I see Puck look worried at us. He probably noticed the little outburst of Miss Fabray-soon-to-be-Mrs-McIntosh. I send a wink to him and turn to Quinn, impatiently staring at me.

"Listen, we're a few hours from Las Vegas ..."

"Five and a half hours seem few hours to you?"

"And it's a shame not to take advantage of it ..."

"Biff will cut off your head just to have proposed this..."

"We can say to Mr. Pompous that we will go in a vineyard owned by one of our old professor, so that's why we are all going, and you'll spend a relaxing weekeend before your wedding with your beloved glee club and your dying dear professor..."

"All? Santana it's not even a bachelorette party if all of us are going, it's just an excuse for revelry, Biff and Mother will tied me to the bed they have this timetable in their mind, and they'll never let me go, especially if it is with ... "

"No, listen, I already set everything, you cannot say no-wait, especially if it is with who?"

My dear Quinn, you just screwed yourself with your hands. I see her writhing on the deck-chair and cast nervous glances to the others.

"You know ... Biff is not stupid as you believe- I can not hold back the snort at this statement, and I earn the cold gaze Fabray- no really, he realized that there was something between me and Puck and he will never leave me with him in Vegas! "

"But you must not tell him that we're going to Las Vegas of course!"

"Santana he is the man who I will marry I can not start this marriage with a lie!"

"Oh, then what he says about Beth? Is he a fan of Ryan Seacrest? "I know that with this one she's almost defeated.

"This is a low blow..."

"No, listen to me, the low blow is that you went to Philadelphia with the idiot immediately after you graduated from Yale leaving all your dream of becoming an actress, a low blow is when you have to lie about who you really are to make them happy, the low blow is when we haven't seen each other for more than a year, and as soon as I propose a bachelorette party that will be evied all around the world showing me as the best bridesmaid ever existed, you ditch us for your stupid fiancèe and he's even more stupid Mother, then again who the hell calls her mom Mother, in any case, Quinn, _no me gusta!_ "I get up making it seem as if I was much more angry than I actually was. Such an actress, so much better than Berry.

"You can't guilty tripping me!"

"It depends, is it working?"

"Yes."

"So I can!"

I get to sit next to her and I move a strand of hair from her eyes, what a great friend I am "Listen, it's not as bad as you make it sound, we leave early tomorrow morning, we'll arrive at lunchtime, then immediately check in, and then out for a night of pure fun and then the next morning we'll leave in time to be here in the first afternoon! "

I hear her sigh and roll her eyes. "So Las Vegas, eh? I think I can do it... "

I can not help myself from hugging and giving a big sploppy kiss on the cheek to her, then I walk away with a Cheshire Cat grin.

With a pat on the butt of Puck while a pass him I whisper in his ear "You own me so much, Puckerman!"

**Finn**

Santana has really thought about everything. In an hour she was able to get us a place in the best restaurant in Las Vegas and a suite at Caesar's Palace, not a normal room, but one of somenthing like, I don't know, a thousands dollars a night. Santana has thought of everything, except how to move a dozen people, including one in a wheelchair, for a trip of 347 miles.

So I, Puck and Rachel were instructed to solve this little problem, and I swear, I'm going to detach my ears.

Rachel ... is Rachel so why Puck didn't do like me and turn off his brain while she's talking? I might even let him look at her boobs if it means them to shut up, but apparently Puck is not able to keep his opinions to himself and must challenge everything that Rachel continues to challenge of Santana's organization.

"I mean, why she did not think of this before? And for what purpose, she send us out to Santa Barbara to look for the transport? We could, I don't know, ask for a limousine to Biff? Or rent one calling an agency? "

"For the last time Berry, we couldn't stay at home and risk Mr. Thing ear us, and you would have paid for the limo for two days?"

"Do you believe that a disabled bus is cheaper? And do not call me Berry, Noah, you know that is Hudson now! "

"Yeah, whatever, just shut up! And stop calling me that! "

"I do not understand why Las Vegas!"

"I do not understand why you can't shut up!"

God help me please. "Guys, guys, guys, come on, please do not make this thing even harder than it already is."

"See Noah, Finn agrees with me!"

"That's because you keep his ball as a keychain! And do not call me Noah! "

"Only when you stop to call me Berry!"

So ... let's say that things continue to be like this more or less from two hours. Yes I know, I should become a saint.

Now we are sitting on a bench, I in the midst of course, with my head in my hands as I try to cover my ears while the two of them are screaming against each other.

"I do not understand why we need to walk for Santa Barbara, is not like the perfect means of transport could pass before us like in the movies!"

But apparently we were in some shitty movies, because the means of transport perfect was just passing.

"Shut up, Rachel."

"WHAT?" _Ugh_, I will pay for this later, now we have to follow him. I point the way to my fellow adventurers and they follow my finger.

"An hippie truck?"

"A Volkswagen t2?"

I didn't have time for their pessimism, I was already directed towards the owner of the wolksfagen parked across the street.

Since when I was a child I have always dreamed of a trip with friends on this thing, and then, who didn't dream of it? Fascinated I caress the large pink flowers painted when I hear someone pick me up and turn my arm behind my back.

"What do you want from my Wolky? Huh? Speak or I'll fucking kill you, stupid motherfucker! "

"No, please! I did 't want anything, I was just admiring it! "

Rachel and Puck are on my side immediately and he took the situation in hand "Hey you, I'm an officer of the air force, let go my friend, now."

"Oh, an officer of the Air Force! Excuse me and kiss my ass "said the big man before throwing me on the ground and send a punch at Puck.

Rachel screamed before saying, "Please not my face, I'm a Broadway star!"

I turn now, ready to take the punch for my wife, but all I see is the big man reduced to tears in his eyes and his hands pressed on his mouth to cover the small scream he is making.

"Rachel Berry? The Real Rachel Berry? "

He seemed on the verge of tears, and when Rachel nodded insecure he began to hop on the spot repeating "Oh God, Rachel Berry, Oh God!"

Puck and I exchange a confused look when he starts crying, still bent by the force of the blow.

"My name is François and I am your biggest fan in the world, Rachel Berry!"

"François?" Puck laughs but shuts up immediately when he gets a kick straight into the stomach

"Is there a problem with my name, Top gun?"

I can not help but feel pity for Puck, instill I can not blame him for laughing, the man did not seem at all a François, he is is big and hefty, his muscle will weigh like the whole glee club put together, he's bald, small eyes with a bad expression and is full of tattoos. But looking better, all the tattoos are symbols of peace, flowers, hearts and so on ...

So, I don't know how (yes instead I know, Rachel is fascinated by the power of flattery and François hasn't stopped compliments her for a second) I Puck and Rachel are sipping flavored rose tea in his living room in small china cups decorated with flowers and painted by hand (I know because he and Rachel have not stopped talking about how valuable these tea services were and he threatened us, behind the back of Rachel of course, that if we made even a single scratch he would have cut off our head).

We're here from at least an hour, and the only reason why I did not fall asleep is that I risk of being without sex for a week already for telling her to shut up before, let alone if I do something stupid with her fan . Puck instead is much more shameless and is snoring soundly lying back in his chair with his mouth wide open.

I watch the second hand of the clock slide. How can two people speak so much? They have just finished discussing in detail every musical Rachel ever made and are now discussing their favorite musicals. It's time to act Finn.

I try to pull a kick under the table to Puck for waking him up without being noticed, but a fly that buzzed over his mouth is suddenly sucked by his strong breath, making him wake up suddenly and almost choke, so while he spits on the service tea my foot ends up against a table leg dropping everything. Fraçois and Rachel turnand glare at us and I know I've played the sex for at least a month. Trying to avoid another punch Puck tries to stop coughing and ended up choking even more. I give him some pat on the back (just doing worse I guess because he's becoming purple) while the two return to their speeches.

I try to clear my throat and speak, but François speaks over me "You know Rachel, you remind me so much of my wife. She was such a beautiful person, I met her in France, she was also an artist like you and from the first moment I saw her sing I knew that we will be together forever. "

Who would have thought that Stallone here had a heart?

"Obviously my rich family did not want me married to a poor artist, so we did the only right thing to do. We ran in America with the very Volkswagen t2 that Hudson here was trying to harass before. "

"I was not harassing it! And how did you pass the Atlantic with that? "

Nobody considered me worthy of an answer, or even just a look because they continued to go on as if I did not exist.

"This is a picture of her ... she is Anna" from under the tank top wet with sweat and grease he pulls out a heart-shaped locket that he opens to reveal a picture. A photo of the ugliest woman in the world! And that should be my Rachel? She have crooked teeth, various spots and pimples on the face, unibrow, frizzy hair and glasses like bottle bottoms. Rachel stopped me stepping on my foot before I can say anything stupid, but did not have time to stop Puck "She's horrible man ... I think it is you who need glasses ..."

He could't even finish the sentence that François is over him. Luckily my Rachel saves the evening like always, intervening "I think she's beautiful François, I am very honored to be compared to her."

The big man calms down immediately and realese Puck's neck. I swear, this holiday is trying to kill us. While Rachel consoled him (he's crying again, worse than a woman) I help Puck to sit down.

"I know that probably is not the best time to ask, but we would like to rent the wolkswagen for weekeend if that's okay ..." said Rachel shyly.

"Wolky?"

"Yes, see there is a bachelorette party for this friend of ours who is getting married on Sunday, and we are twelve, so we do not know how to get to Las Vegas, but the main fact is that Quinn is marrying the wrong man, she should marry Noah, and therefore we would like to take her out from the oppressions of the house of her boyfriend and his mother and let her know who is right for her ... "

François does not seem convinced, and watch Puck with a disgusted look "If _he_ is the right man I don't want to imagine who she's marrying ..."

"Hey!" But I hold Puck with one hand, Rachel is succeeding.

"The fact is that there is no right or wrong when it comes to love ... the two of them are destined to be together, just like me and Finn and like you and Anna were..."

The big man began to cry again "Okay, okay, but promise me to treat him well ..."

we are looking at the hurt puppy dog eyes he is making and I cannot help but feel guilty for him.

So we go out, and while he is showing us Wolky he takes Puck and I for a moment away from Rachel.

"I swear, one scratch, even one millimeter, and I'll cut your genitals, give them to a mouse and then you'll eat the whole mouse so that he's still alive and eat you from the inside and then I'll beat you so hard until you'll scream for mercy, but I'll go on and on, until you're dead. Is that clear? "He shows off his best smile knowing that Rachel is looking at us.

"Crystalline" we gulp.

"Now smile and laugh with me"

We do as he says, while he pats us on the back (which I'm sure will be useless if he go on like this) and Rachel smiles radiantly.

We climb on Wolky ready to get out of this hell when François asks us "So what if Quinn does not want to leave the marriage?"

"Then wel'll scream that we oppose" Rachel replied simply with a shrug.

François' eyes sparkle. "Oh ... like a movies' scene ... I always wanted to see one ... well, have fun at your wedding ... I'll be at home, sitting on the couch with a photo of Anna beside me, my nose sunk in an old sweater, while watching Funny Girl for the three hundredth time ... "

Rachel turns to look imploringly at us while François looks at the ground and move his foot from side to side sadly, but both me and Puck are unshakeable and shake our heads.

Rachel shows off her puppy eyes, but I'm not going to give up.

But it's Rachel we're talking about, she does like she wants "Why you don't come to the wedding, François? I'm sure Quinn will get an invite to thank you for your kindness! "

"I wouldn't want to bother you-I'll certainly come with you!"

Puck pressed on the accelerator while he and I yell "Rachel!"


End file.
